Jokes

Microsoft

It's easy to make fun of MS products, but it takes a real man to make them work, and a god to make them do anything useful

Intel - Pentium jokes

Q:  How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  1.99904274017, but that's close enough for non-technical people.

Q:  What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC with a  research grant?
A:  A mad scientist.

Q:  What's another name for the "Intel Inside" sticker they put on Pentiums?
A:  The warning label.

Q:  What do you call a series of FDIV instructions on a Pentium?
A:  Successive approximations.

Q:  Complete the following word analogy:  Add is to Subtract as Multiply
    is to:
        1)  Divide
        2)  ROUND
        3)  RANDOM
        4)  On a Pentium, all of the above
A:  Number 4.

Q:  Why didn't Intel call the Pentium the 586?
A:  Because they added 486 and 100 on the first Pentium and got
    585.999983605.

Q:  According to Intel, the Pentium conforms to the IEEE standards 754
    and 854 for floating point arithmetic.  If you fly in aircraft
    designed using a Pentium, what is the correct pronunciation of "IEEE"?
A:  Aaaaaaaiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeee!
 

TOP TEN NEW INTEL SLOGANS FOR THE PENTIUM
 --------------------------------------------------------------------------
  9.9999973251   It's a FLAW, Dammit, not a Bug
  8.9999163362   It's Close Enough, We Say So
  7.9999414610   Nearly 300 Correct Opcodes
  6.9999831538   You Don't Need to Know What's Inside
  5.9999835137   Redefining the PC - and Mathematics As Well
  4.9999999021   We Fixed It, Really
  3.9998245917   Division Considered Harmful - No Life-Maintenance
                 Devices Should Be Used With This Processor
  2.9991523619   Why Do You Think They Call It *Floating* Point?
  1.9999103517   We're Looking for a Few Good Flaws

And the 0.9999999998th Slogan Is...

  The Errata Inside


Undocumented Assembler Instructions

Assembler programs are written with short abbreviations called MNEMONICS, in other words instead of writing GOTO, the programmer writes JMP or even BRA (branch). These instructions are frequently abbreviated into total incomprehensibility. Of course, we all know that abbreviations are arbitrary. Anyone who has spent any time programming in assembler knows that all computers can be programmed using an undocumented set of instructions. Frequently when an error is made writing a program in assembler a user can actually see the program executing the undocumented instructions. These instructions vary from machine to machine, but all computers have a certain set of them in common. As a service to humanity, I am here revealing these common instructions for the first time.

Mnemonic
Instruction does
ARG
Agree to Run Garbage
BDM
Branch and Destroy Memory
CMN
Convert to Mayan Numerals
DDS
Damage Disk and Stop
EMR
Emit Microwave Radiation
ETO
Emulate Toaster Oven
FSE
Fake Serious Error
GSI
Garble Subsequent Instructions
GQS
Go Quarter Speed
HEM
Hide Evidence of Malfunction
IDD
Inhale Dust and Die
IKI
Ignore Keyboard Input
IMU
Irradiate and Mutate User
JPF
Jam Paper Feed
JUM
Jeer at Users Mistake
KFP
Kindle Fire in Printer
LNM
Launch Nuclear Missiles
MAW
Make Aggravating Whine
NNI
Neglect Next Instruction
OBU
Overheat and Burn if Unattended
PNG
Pass Noxious Gas
QWF
Quit Working Forever
QVC
Question Valid Command
RWD
Read Wrong Device
SCE
Simulate Correct Execution
SDJ
Send Data to Japan
TTC
Tangle Tape and Crash
UBC
Use Bad Chip
VDP
Violate Design Parameters
VMB
Verify and Make Bad
WAF
Warn After Fact
XID
eXchange Instruction with Data
YII
Yield to Irresistible Impulse
ZAM
Zero All Memory
PI
Punch Invalid
POPI
Punch Operator Immediately
RASC
Read And Shred Card
RPM
Read Programmers Mind
RSSC
Reduce Speed, Step Carefully (for improved accuracy)
RTAB
Rewind Tape and Break
RWDSK
ReWind DiSK
SPSW
Scramble Program Status Word
SRSD
Seek Record and Scar Disk
WBT
Water Binary Tree

 

Other

Yesterday - The backup song
Yesterday
All those backups seemed a waste of pay.
Now my database has gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday
Suddenly,
There's not half the files there used to be,
And there's a milestone hanging over me
The system crashed so suddenly.
I pushed the something wrong
What it was I could not say.
Now all my data's gone and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.
Yesterday,
The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my data was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday
 
 

Basserne

Basserne 001.gif
Basserne 002.gif

Basserne 004.png
Basserne 005.png
Basserne 006.png

 

Udknaldet

Udknaldet001.jpg
Udknaldet002.jpg



Windows hastighed...

Engelsk til dansk "oversættelse"

 
Engelse
Danish
He had followed a bad road for a while Han blev forlovet med en baderotte fra Fårevejle
He was the lucky owner of a handkerchief
Han var lukket inde i ovnen på et hangarskib
Somewhere a voice was calling Sommervejr i Vojens og Kolding
It was long ago in the deep south Der var langt at gå i den dybe sovs
How did you sleep in the far west Hvordan sidder slipset i din fars vest
He went peacefully round the corner Han gik pissefuld rundt i kornet
He did not know the composer, but it was certainly not Cole Porter Han vidste ikke hvad de kom i poserne, men det var sandelig ikke kolde porter
My father is nice Min far er nisse
To be or not to be that's the question To bier og nok en bi fløj sammen, den ene blev kvæstet
He went up and down the staircase Han vendte op og ned på stærekassen

Some fun images from the internet

You Suck Posters

i Pi

Rock Rule

Metal fan.jpg

Some fun images from http://xkcd.com/

KiloByte joke image

Pointers joke image

RandomNumber joke
      image

www.xkcd.com -
      Circuit Diagram.png

www.xkcd.com - The
      Economic Argument.png


At få ting gennemført her, er som at parre elefanter: Det sker på et højt plan, er ledsaget af megen brølen og skrigen, og det tager 2 år før man ser resultatet.

Let's face it, after Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W-T-F.

Question: What is the volume of a pizza of radius z and thickness a? Answer: Pi z z a.

"Components" from the Newer Hacker's Dictionary:

GlassFET, firebottle: Vucuum tube.
LER: Light Emitting Resistor.
SED: Smoke Emitting Diode.

Informations-samfundets morgenbøn

Fader vor, du som er i datamaten.
Helliget vorde dit operativsystem,
komme dit flerbrugersystem,
ske din vilje som på skærmen
således også på printeren,
Led os ikke i systemfejl,
men fri os fra de lange svartider.
Giv os i dag vor daglige udskrift,
og tilgiv os vore tastefejl,
selv om vi aldrig tilgiver nogen programfejl.
Thi dit er systemet,
og magten over personalet
i evighed

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Page created by: Sune E. M. Andersen ?. Last updated: 2017-09-13